HOW TO?

Fruitcake Recipe

You'll need the following:

1 C water
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C brown sugar
 lemon juice
 nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

 Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
 Take a large bowl.
 Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
 Pour 1 level cup and drink.  Repeat.
 Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
 Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
 Make sure the whiskey is still OK.  Cry another tup.  Turn off the mixer.
 Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
 Mix on the turner.
 If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
 Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
 Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something.  Who cares.  Check the
 whiskey.
 Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
 Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.  Whatever you can find.
 Grease the oven.
 Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
 Don't forget to beat off the turner.  Throw the bowl out of the
 window.
 Check the whiskey again.  Go to bed.  Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?