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MALE BASHING
OK all u females laugh all the way to the loo, cuz some are great jokes but
most are lousy. No marks for guessing who wrote them - women. Please don't
misunderstand me- I'm not against this but women try to understand that you can
never equal a man in HUMOR ( at least )
The IQ Issue.
Three guys are out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they
catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each ofthem a
wish.
Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Okay, if you can
really grant wishes, then double my IQ."
The mermaid says, "Done."
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with
extreme insight.
The second guy is so amazed, he says to the mermaid, "Triple my IQ."
The mermaid says, "Done."
The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have
been stumping all the scientists in various fields: physics, chemistry,
etc.
The last guy is so enthralled with the changes that his friends that hesays to
the mermaid, "Quintuple my IQ."
The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I don't usually try to change
people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish that you would
reconsider."
The guy says, "No, I want you to increase my IQ four times , and if you
don't do it, I won't set you free."
"Please," says the mermaid, "You don't understand what you're
asking, it will change your entire view on the universe. Won't you ask for
something else....a million dollars, anything?"
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his IQ increased
by four times its usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said,"Done."
And he became a woman.
Pig
A man is driving down the road when he seesa women walking. She sees
him looking at her and yells at hin, "Pig". He's mad so he yells
back "Bitch". Then his car hit the pig.
Questions(?)
Note :- These were penned by a female and the sense of humor leaves a bad
taste in my mouth.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
dishes?
- Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
- He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
- They don't have time.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
- They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
-They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
- He buys two cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
- The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
- So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
- We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
- They all already have boyfriends.
When do you care for a man's company?
- When he owns it.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
- A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all!
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
- Put the remote control between his toes
How are men and parking spots alike?
- Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely
small.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
- They're married.
More Craps Here
are some feminist craps written about men. Don't Enjoy!!!@!
Behind every great man is a greater woman.
God made rivers
God made lakes
God made man
We all make mistakes.
Yes, god made man first, but everyone makes a rough draft before the final copy.
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
No one knows, no man has ever gotten off the couch long enough to try it.
Diamonds are a woman's best friend.
Dogs are a man's best friend.
Now who do you think is the smartest sex?
How come men are always buying electronics?
Well if they can't talk intelligently with a woman without being confused, at
least they can talk with their machines.
How to Satisy a man and a
woman?
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,empathize,
serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humour, placate,
stimulate, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite,
pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate,nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister
to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize,leave, return, beseech, entertain,
charm, lug, show equality for, sparkle,
oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, defend,
detoxify, sanctify, help, clothe, brag about,acknowledge, polish, spoil,
embrace, accept, understand, nurse,respect, kill for, die for, dream of, tease,
snuggle, snoozle, rub,tickle, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle
like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, undulate, indulge,
dazzle, amaze, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back and do it again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked.
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Rules for women to live by:
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell
them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity
to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in
biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means
that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal
Back to the top
Some GK Questions.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door
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How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
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How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
We don't know, its never happened
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Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
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How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
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What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
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What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
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What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
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What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
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Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
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Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
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Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
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Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.
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