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On second thought
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the
car?"
She said, "In the lake."
- Henny Youngman
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't
notice."
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to
interrupt her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
girlfriends.
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report
it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other
fellow has, you wish you had ordered that
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; then it was too late.
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?"
asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire.
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The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to prove it.
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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've
found a woman just like mother!" His father replied,
"So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a
beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then,
BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?"
asked his friend. "My wife found out...
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
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I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both
husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house.
Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is
to forget it once.
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Words to live by:
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
Thanks to all of
you who sent us Jokes!
They'll Love Ya For Life!!!
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