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DARWIN AWARDS
1999 Darwin Awards Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin Paragliding vs. Parasailing
===========================
(16 July 1999, Utah) A paraglider from Riverton turned into a parasailor, and
dropped into the Murdoch Canal near Lehi in Utah County on Monday evening.
Craig's parachute filled with water, and he was unable to escape as he was
dragged towards a siphon on the east side of the canal, sucked under the I-15
freeway, and eventually pinned against a grate 400 feet
downstream. An employee found his body for the Provo Water Users Association.
Who knew that one of the dangers of paragliding is drowning?
Dead Spitter
============
(15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a
3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to
spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal
guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a
tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing,
which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him
plummeting 24 feet to the cement below. The military specialist had a blood
alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his judgment and paving the way for his
opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
Poisonous Pets
==============
(June 1999, Delaware) Fifteen snakes were found in the vicinity of a decomposed
body in Stanton on Tuesday. A neighbor complained about the smell, which led the
discovery of eight rattlesnakes, two cobras, and the 3-day-old corpse.
The 45-year-old owner of the reptiles was found 10 feet from the open cage of a
young Diamondback rattler. Apparently
the man was feeding the snake when he was terminally bitten. Residents of the
apartments were evacuated by the
Delaware Animal Rescue team while a search was conducted for missing serpents.
Neighbors said they had no idea that the weird loner kept poisonous snakes. One
neighbor named Leroy claimed, "The
snake was standing straight up as it turned toward me. It was a cobra."
The SPCA notes that it's legal to keep deadly snakes, provided you apply for a
permit.
A Smarter Snake
===============
1999 Darwin Awards Nominee Unconfirmed by Darwin
=====================
(1991, Nicosia, Cypress) An Iranian hunter was shot to death near Tehran by a
snake that coiled around his shotgun as
he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that that the
victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt of his
shotgun behind its head. The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the
trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
The Bumbershoot
===============
1999 Darwin Awards Nominee Unconfirmed by Darwin
=====================
(18 April 1999, Germany) A sword swallower died in Bonn after he put an umbrella
down his throat - and accidentally pushed the button that opened it.
(15 July 1999, San Francisco )A drunken 20-year old woman was standing next to
the railroad tracks intending to flash her breasts at the engineer. As the train
swept past, the draft swept her off her feet and under the train, breaking her
elbows. She
was charged with a misdemeanor, and died several days later in the hospital.
(Submitted by Greg Nieto and Frostansuz.
Fatal Footsie
=============
1999 Darwin Awards Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin
========================
(22 March 1999, Phnom Penh) Decades of armed strife has littered Cambodia with
unexploded munitions and ordnance.
Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices.
Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at
a local cafe in the southeastern province of
Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man
pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank
mine found in his backyard.
He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette,
each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other villagers
fled in terror.
Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three
men in the bar. "Their wives could not
even find their flesh because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei
Kampuchea newspaper reported.
Dum Dum Boutique
================
1999 Darwin Awards Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin
=========================
(10 April 1999, New York) Perhaps, as people get older, some folks really should
retire from their careers, or so it
would seem for one 55-year old burglar. You see, Terrence found new meaning in
the term "Hanging around late at the bar"
when he never returned home one night. It turned out that he was actually trying
to break through the roof's window of a
shop, called the Dum Dum Boutique -- a catchy name for a clothing shop --
by bending back bars on the window. From this
vantage point, he made a commanding move, and jumped into the store through this
hole. Unfortunately, his sweater apparently didn't like all that fashion, and,
refusing to join him, caught on one of the bent bars, which subsequently
strangled
him to death. He was found dead at the scene on Saturday morning.
Good Trumps Evil at Church
==========================
(08 March 1999, Kenya) A middle-aged thief sat quietly through the Sunday
service at All Saints Cathedral in Nairobi. But when the offering basket was
passed, fellow worshippers were astonished to see him stashing handfuls of the
money in his
pockets.
Realizing he had been spotted, the thief fled from the church and onto a busy
highway, where a speeding bus killed him.
People Do The Strangest Things
-------------------------------
Putting Our Loved Ones At Risk For A Photo.
********************************************
In May of 1994, Tony Moore, 43, of Marietta, Georgia, was
gored and seriously injured by a large male bison in Yellowstone,
next to the Lake Hotel. Moore and a friend had approached to within
15 feet of the bison to have their pictures taken. While they were
standing with their backs to the animal, it charged. Moore's
companion escaped, but Moore received a severe puncture wound in his
right thigh and was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson for
treatment. ....
Watching For Falling Rocks.
****************************
A visitor setting up camp at Lake Eleanor in Yosemite
National Park hit herself on the head with a rock while trying to
string up her food to protect it from bears.
Requesting Assistance.
***********************
In 1994, a woman visiting from the Bay Area embarked on a
solo hike to the summit of El Captian in Yosemite.
When she became lost and saw a storm brewing, she called 911
from her cellular phone and asked to be rescued. A
helicopter found her barely off the trail and one-fourth to
half a mile from the top of El Cap. When the 'copter lifted
off and the woman saw how close she was to her summit goal,
she asked the crew to set her down on top. When the
crew declined, she threatened to sue them for kidnapping. ...
Caring For The Creatures
**************************
A woman, appearing rather distraught, came into the visitor
center at Redwood National Park in California to report
that she had seen several Irish setters lying along the edge
of the highway and she feared they were dead or
injured. Rangers explained to her that these were pieces of
redwood bark that had fallen off logging trucks.
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