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 On the way to preschool, a doctor's 4 year-old girl began playing with a stethoscope left on the car seat. Be still my heart , thought the doctor, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument:  "Welcome to  McDonald's. - May I take you order?"

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  A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys
   began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting
here, He would say,  'Let my brother have the first
  pancake. I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"

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  A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son
ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull
lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He
died and went to Heaven," the dad
  replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back
down?"

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  After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up,
I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you",
  the pastor replied, "but  why?"  "Because my daddy says you're one of the
poorest preachers we've ever had."

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  A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.     "Just say
what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter
bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did invite all these people to
dinner?"

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  One day a little boy was sitting in his  first grade class as the teacher
was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the
part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building
materials for his home. She said "...And so the pig went up to the
man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I
have some of that straw to build my house with?'" Then the
  teacher asked the class "And what do you think that man said?" The boy
raised his hand and said "I know! I know! He said
  'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"

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  A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the
  commandment to "honor thy father and  thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat
  our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the
oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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  The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
  "Just think how nice it will be to look at it  when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael,
he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And
there's the teacher; she's dead."

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  A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on
  my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red
in the face."  "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that
  while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't
run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet  ain't empty."

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  For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about 
the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
  One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn
child. The six- year old was obviously impressed, but
  made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the
impending event. The teacher finally sat  the boy on her
  lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister
you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears
and  confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

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One day a five year old little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from. The mother was amused and said "Oh really sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl then explained, "Well...the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's wiener stands way up high, and the mommy kneels on the floor and puts the daddy's wiener in her mouth, and then the
daddy's wiener sort of explodes and makes sticky juice into the mommy's mouth, and then the mommy swallows the sticky juice, and that's where babies come from."

The mother looked lovingly at her daughter, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said, "Oh honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. ...That's where jewelry comes from."