SARDAR JOKES Page 3
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over hisears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
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Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
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Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
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How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
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How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* * * * * *
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for
300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji
called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
* * * * * *
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railwaystation.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train toLudhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
* * * * * *
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs
start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks
him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema
hi to hai"Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkalhai, pata hai
ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
* * * * * *
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks
and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke
baitheho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun"
* * * * * *
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he
gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake
him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he
felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved moreservice.
So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his
beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went
home.
Reachinghome, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw themirror. Said his wife "What's the
matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my
20 rupees and woken up someone else"
* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and
started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is
missing;what are you thanking God for ?"
The sardarji replied "Iam thanking Him for seeing to it that
I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been
missing too."
* * * * * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid:Chinese."
"How come you write" Chinese" when both parents areSikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th
person born on the planet is chinese.
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his
friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition
grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh
lovingly handed him a
pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a
note. Then he died.
Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it
into his jacket pocket.
Days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized
that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You
know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't
read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us
all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen
tube!"
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Suicidal Sardar
An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding
on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off
this building."
The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get
pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The surd opened his lunch
and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time
I'm jumping too."
Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and
jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. The
Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also...
At the funeral.....
The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired
he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or
lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at
me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"
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Taking over USA
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning
for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from
India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take
over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get
developed."
All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not
utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied,
"OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA
?????"
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Sardar in Texas
A patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they
finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to the surd's
window.
"Goodafternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon, any problems?"
"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half
an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic
violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were
courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our
new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you
with this check for $30,000.00."
The surd lets out a big sigh of relief:"Oh good! Now I can finally pay to
get my driver's license."
Awkward silence, then the surd's wife sitting in the passenger seat goes,
"Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been
drinking."
Surd's Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat,
"Aye, aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?" At this
time the surd's trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the
border yet?"
* * * * * *
Illiterate sardar
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How
nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,
"I have been illiterate for so long."
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Sardar Pilots
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start
descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream "the runway is
ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets he plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start
descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again
"Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big
turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again... During their eighth descent the pilot says :
"Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive
airport but with such a short runaway.."
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made
it...."
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